I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
