I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
How naked do you want me to be?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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