Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
