Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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