So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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