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My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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