Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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