ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
