i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
