The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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