you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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