I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize