who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
