ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My breasts were aching with rage.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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