i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
