I think i peed on brittanys purse
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
