watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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