Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
