do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
