you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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