Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
