So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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