ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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