just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I love you.
Bad choice
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize