guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
