I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
