I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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