I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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