i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
