somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
