Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
