can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
