Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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