It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
