I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
