Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
