I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It was confusing and full of hummus
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
