UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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