I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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