i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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