I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
