Im at strip club and am horny
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
tell me about the fingering
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