Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
