YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
