The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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