i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
