ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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