Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
