Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize