i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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