I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
