you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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