the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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