and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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