i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
