I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
