Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
