I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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