Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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