I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Can I color on your dick again?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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