You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
