Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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