Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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