I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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