I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this beer tastes like vomit already
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
