My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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