I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
